People are complicated. And the way people feel is even more complicated, but nowadays with the vast amount of gender identities and expressions, there are ways to make being yourself a little less complicated. And I think I've got it figured out. ...for the most part. anyways, this is really just me ranting about what I feel I am, and I think it would be cool to come back to this in like... 5 years and see if I still feel the same. ...okay. This is a tricky subject, but I'm pretty sure I mostly understand how I feel. For years, I didn't feel like a guy, or a girl, and the only trans I thought existed was transmale and transfemale, so I was kinda stuck in the middle with... something. I don't see myself as having any gender at all, and I use the term genderless to describe myself. Sometimes if someones confused by that, I use the term agender to make it easier for other people to understand how I feel. Agender is defined as not having a gender, or a "lack" of gender, so I feel like it represents my experience pretty well. However, agender itself seems like a gendered label itself.. which is sort of paradoxical but whatever, i don't explicitly use it. The main thing that I feel affected my concept of gender is my Autism spectrum disorder, with the whole 'not getting social constructs' and whatnot. But the cooler and more niche answer is that my spirituality causes me to see the spirit as a nameless genderless thing, hence why I struggle with both concepts LOL My gender (or lack thereof) is a pretty simple concept to me, but I get that it can be confusing to the normie folk. (slash jay) In laymens terms: am I a girl? No. Can you call me one? Sure go ahead. I can be peoples boyfriend or sister or niece or wife. These terms are not linked to my gender, and can be used on me freely. :3 I do still identify with term transgender, as I have severed myself from binary gender and been deeply involved in the trans community since I was young. My pronouns are pretty simple. It/its/itself seems to work for me best, I like the way they make me feel lol. I enjoy being seen as I also like he/him/himself pronouns, I'm still very comfortable with my masculinity despite not identifying as male, I don't care being called a "dude" or a "guy", or even outright called a boy or man. I'm just comfortable existing as a thing that appears a little more masc. In the past I actually had a strong aversion to she/her pronouns, along with any form of feminine terms. Over time I've figured that the reason I had such disgust towards my own femininity was the fact that it was never my choice to express it, and it was always something sort of pushed onto me by the diehard church-goers in my family wanting to see their darling girl in a pretty dress with ribbons when she just wanted jeans and a t-shirt. Looking back I was a really overdramatic kid when it came to that stuff, but also I had my fair share of men thinking my feminine appearance meant I was a pretty little target for their creepiness, which always made me sick. Overtime I just ended up trying to scrub myself of all things that made me "girly". But within the past few years I've been exploring my own feminine side, and this time it feels okay due to it being on my own terms. Nowadays, I've been feeling so much more comfortable with referred to with fem terms and pronouns, and I can use fem and masc terms interchangebly, when a few years ago that would've sounded crazy to me lol I don't like they/them/themselves pronouns for some reason though. Nothing against you guys, it just doesn't suit me. I don't actually mind neopronouns, such as xe/xem, or even nounself pronouns, such as pup/pupself, or hound/houndself. Neopronouns have existed a long time, I don't see why I should treat them any differently to he or she. I don't say I use them, but if they were used for me, I wouldn't mind. My sexuality has always been a bit of a weird topic, but I'll try my best to simplify it LOL When it comes to romantic attraction, it's always leaned towards women, wheras with sexual attraction, it's almost entirely towards men :3 Any nonbinary people just fall wherever my brain finds them I suppose. Despite this general loose idea, my attraction levels are still fluid and are open to chage at any time. I don't fit myself into any boxes ever LOL I've always been a pretty sexual person, and I'm pretty loosey goosey with who it's expressed with. I have been in a long term relationship for a good good while, but we're not exclusive sexually as we're both pretty experimental people, and it's just what feels the most comfortable and "normal" for us. I get it might seem off putting to some people, but it's just what works for us. :3 I've always had complicated feelings with my attraction due to my ASD, and it's always been a struggle to differentiate between sexual, romantic, and friendly or aesthetic attraction. Despite this I just take things pretty easy as I'm super happy in my relationship and I still get to experiment with others however I please. *shrugs* 
click |
|